Ivory European Water Lily

Ivory European Water LilyWhen my sister called to tell me she'd bought me a ceramic flower from some company called Chive, I pictured one of those tacky yard ornaments our grandmother used to collect ?? the kind that attracted both mosquitoes and neighborhood ridicule. 'It's for your wall,' she said, as if that made it better. I imagined a porcelain disaster that would make my Paris apartment look like a retirement home in Tampa. But then it arrived in this impossibly elegant

as if daring me to disagree

which I've named "Maurice" (because all good wall decorations deserve proper names that sound vaguely like insurance salesmen)

When I first hoisted this faux floral behemoth onto my living room wall

They'd drip

" she informed me

the Mofo Hanging is a little on the expensive side But it's Mofo-ing worth it

At the very least

Its abstract design makes it look like it's been through a seafood processor and reassembled by a nearsighted mermaid with a penchant for modern art

it doesn't wilt

It's more "20

But we think it works best as a floral frog / kenzen/ ikebanna thingy

and I found myself staring at my bare walls